Back on the Road

We’re back on the road, heading toward Yellowstone. We took a break in Missoula to spend the night. I’d read that Montana is gorgeous with mountains and big skies, but who knew Idaho was also beautiful?

It’s been fun rediscovering old cd’s (remember those?) during these long hours on the road, and one favorite has been the Innocence Mission. There’s a lovely lyric on one of their first albums that goes “Gentle Jesus aren’t you always, aren’t you every hour, here?” and I’ve powerfully felt that line on this trip. At the very least He has been with us by keeping us safe on the road and helping us (mostly) offer each other kind encouragement. But oh, is His presence felt in the stillness of the trees and majesty of the mountains. It’s not always been easy for me to sense Christ’s presence in the selfish, busy moments of my life, or even in the quiet, seeking ones. But He has met me here, and His being flows like the rivers we cross and winds that gently sway us.

There’s another song the group wrote when the husband and wife duo were told they couldn’t have children. She sings, “If I could I would burst into flower. If I could I would not be so barren.” When I heard that back in high school my heart felt sympathy for them. Now, that song hits me in another way. Though I truly feel thankful and filled up as we encounter so much beauty and wonder, a small sadness has lingered on this trip, almost an emptiness, and a feeling that someone is missing. We are so truly thankful for Maggie, but even she says from time to time, “Mom, if I had a sister she could sit in that chair!” or “I wish my brother could build a sandcastle with me right now!” This RV just seems too empty. It’s needs a few more Junior Ranger badges, or another set of shoes. And a little person to own those things. I’m not sure what to do with that longing most of the time, except to give Maggie an extra squeeze and thank God for the blessing she is.

One more quote from Innocence Mission: “I am always beginning the world.” When you’re like me, looking at forty and doing the daily grind,  seeing the world with freshness is kind of hard. This trip has felt like a series of rebirths for me; like discovering the world again and again for the first time each time. What a gift. I’m going to try to see wonder in my day-to-day more now.